4.5/5 ★ – Dhonerus64's review of L.A. Noire.

L.A. Noire is, for me, a video game about a man who likes way too much to share his thoughts. So in case you haven't immediately heard enough and want to stop here, I ask you to please listen to my own thoughts on this matter, since I also like to share them way too much. (this review may in some ways contain spoilers of pretty much the whole game. I recommend you not tread here unless you have played, will never play, or do not think it will affect you in any way) L.A. Noire is a game about Los Angeles in the late 1940's. L.A. Noire is a game about crime, corruption, and how much those things are built into the entire workings of american culture. L.A. Noire is a game about Cole Phelps. Phelps is an american war hero. He was there when the war was won, and now he is there with the finest. He is the textbook image of a good, honest man. This is the intial image L.A Noire presents to you of the player character, and it is most likely one that you will agree with or at the very least accept for the time being as its narrative fact, in case you disagree with it completely on a moral standpoint (something I can very much relate to). Either way, it is clear to the player that Phelps is supposed to be the one good apple in the batch. His personality, actions, beliefs and such are in complete contrast with every other character in the game, from the crooked cops to the ethically questionable witnesses. L.A. Noire will have you take Phelps into the ways of the police. It will teach you how to follow the procedures to do the right thing, even if often those procedures get in the way of the right thing. However, the game never outright tells you that you're supposed to think this way, but Phelps' frustrations are his own, and yours are his. Of course, any player that is even a little familiar with watching a movie will know that, whenever Phelps is frustrated at how the law and crime work, you as the audience are supposed to understand that and think about it too. However, something only L.A. Noire can do compared to most movies is that there is also an unspoken frustration coming from the player that Phelps himself can feel, but never voice. Though the game is not the most challenging thing in the world, and it has all sorts of options for those who would like to diminish the challenge and just skip to the fun part (the option to skip action sequences, the option to skip the driving, the occasional options for making the interrogations easier, etc), I would say it is still purposefully frustrating. The game doesn't have the best controls. The interrogation prompts are a little vague and unclear. You don't have the option to fix mistakes without restarting the entire 30-60 minute long mission you're playing. Cars are slow and a little difficult to use. AI cars are obnoxious. When in shootouts, Phelps' aiming never focuses quite right on targets when leaving cover (which is a little stupid. this guy was a sergeant). You can't turn off car radio. The side missions most likely always spawn too far from where you are to be convenient. These things are all minor, and some of them probably not intentional, but they pile up. Just like the issues Phelps has in the cases he's responsible for pile up. That last example I would like to comment on a little more, even: L.A. Noire, in the middle of the game's main cases, will offer the player the option to do a short action-focused sidequest, prompting it through the police radio asking any available officers to go to the scene they're saying a crime is happening at. These are likely far from where you are or where you're really supposed to go, are often too short to feel satisfying, don't really reward you in any way, and, because L.A. Noire isn't an action game, aren't very fun either. But, for the completionist player, they will feel almost necessary to do; for the casual player, they might offer a needed break from investigating; for the more policework focused player, the game will present this like your moral obligation, especially when in control of goody two shoes Cole Phelps. But there's a lot of them, and they are often very inconvenient. So for all these types of players, they will become frustrating. And frustration is, in my opinion, what this game wants of you. From the beginning of the game, people will keep disapproving of Cole's actions. He is a good case solver, and everyone agrees with this; but every kind of character has something to hate about the man (Galloway thinks he takes his job too seriously, Earle thinks no good man is truly good, Biggs is tired of that kind of guy from the beginning, Kelso). But it does such a great job at making you feel his point of view, that this is just natural and not something to really think about early on. But time passes. L.A. Noire is a long game. And you will do things you may not approve of yourself. Eventually, You Will Have To Listen. And when you do, that's when you have gotten to the part of the game where Phelps is no longer the good guy. Whenever that happens though, is up to you. But enough about you and Phelps. Let's talk about me. Now, I played the beginning of this game thinking Phelps might keep being the good guy forever. This was a little short sighted of me. This is not to say that he is necessarily the villain of the story; the ending has left me with too many interpretations to confidently say this. But this game is extremely personal, and has honestly genius design in how it will make you feel while in Phelps' shoes. Phelps is a cop in a cop world. Obviously, he is not a perfect man, but in this scenario, it is not hard to be better. It is not hard to Feel better. It is not hard to put yourself in the moral high ground when everyone around you is in some way, visibly corrupt. The system is working completely as intended. You know, I bought this game because I like mysteries. I'm not too familiar with noir stuff, but I am familiar with whodunnit games, books and movies, and I'm quite fond of them. This led me to believe that I would at least think L.A. Noire is pretty good, as I trust Rockstar to make a pretty good game at the very least with this. And I think they delivered somewhat, ignoring the very obvious and very terrible in context development hell this game went through to be made, something I am not prepared to talk about. But one aspect of noir movies and games and etc that I am in fact familiar with is how much the main character always has monologues and such about how they feel and think about the setting they're in and what to do next. Phelps doesn't really do this, though it would be totally in character for him to do it, because he doesn't need to. YOU, as the player, are doing the monologuing for him, the thinking for him, the feeling for him. He has his own dialogue, emotions, opinions and etc, that you, the more you get used to him, the more you already understand before he has a chance to express it. The more I would do things with Phelps, the more I was getting in his skin, his mind. I would never quite agree more with the other sides of the story, but in every criticism of Phelps from someone "worse" than him, or every criticism of Phelps coming from dishonest reasons, there was some truth. Always. Phelps, though a very logical, facts and truth-seeking man, is very violent. This is also something the game doesn't outright tell you at first, but becomes obvious as you go. Roy especially tells Phelps of this, hinting at some darkness in his heart that he tries his best to hide but can't. Throughout the game, a lot of problems will be solved through lethal means, even if no one tells you that this is the case. Sure, it is police training, and everyone knows police brutality is Kind Of The Point (though this is also something I am not prepared to discuss in detail and would recommend you look elsewhere if interested), but the thing that separates Phelps killing people from, for example, Trevor Philips of Grand Theft Auto V from killing people, is that the former's setting makes it a point that every character you meet, enemy or otherwise, is a named man with a history and reasons they are doing what they are doing, meanwhile the latter's game will merely treat them as bullet fodder. It is murder in both cases, and Trevor's crimes make Phelps feel like the most innocent of men in comparison, but Phelps' are always more deliberate, purposeful, and impactful. And, ironically, GTA V will sometimes offer you a more peaceful, less violent path in missions, or a path of less murder compared to a path of more murder. This is something that L.A. Noire doesn't do even once. When Cole Phelps shoots, it is to kill. L.A. Noire is not perfect. It is often frustrating, unnecessary, incorrect, and is an unfortunate child of violence against many crunched employees. But, as a noir piece that makes ME think, that makes ME monologue, that makes ME write about it oh so many times on my thoughts and irrational feelings on it, I cannot possibly look at it and consider it a success in what it is attempting to do. L.A. Noire is not the best game. But damn if it isn't a good one, no matter what I thought it was before. And I will, after the publishing of this review, continue thinking about it for a long while.