4.5/5 ★ – PhatBaby's review of Crusader Kings III.

From the moment I laid eyes on a Spanish nudist colony eviscerating my cities while my bubonic-plague ridden son blackmailed me for cheating on his mother with her sister, I knew I was playing one of the best strategy games of the decade. Crusader Kings 3 is jaw-droppingly good; so good in fact that it has corrupted my life for the last two weeks. Every time I'm working, I'm thinking about Crusader Kings 3. Every time I'm on the toilet, I'm thinking about Crusader Kings 3. Every time I'm spending quality time with my friends, I'm thinking about how I'd convert them to my cannibal cult on Crusader Kings 3. It's just a game that manages to scratch that itch that the likes of Civilization, Anno and Total War can't quite reach. What if you didn't play as an emotionally-vacant nation but an individual ruler, with traits, strengths, weaknesses, and an aptitude for catching syphilis. What if your goal wasn't to conquer the world but merely thrive and survive, building alliances, marrying off your children, and catching your field-marshal bonking your wife. What if, instead of playing as yourself, you assumed the role of a lord with their own intentions that you have to honour, such as catching out which of your siblings are conspiring to murder you. It's such a strong gameplay loop that, over 30 hours into Crusader Kings 3, I've yet to ever feel like I'm going through the motions. Every new game comes with fun scenarios I've never experienced before; each new ruler challenges me to try something new. While Crusader Kings 2 felt like a ton of spreadsheets and impersonal data, this sequel brings the franchise to life in a way its predecessor never did. It's also much easier to understand, with a heftier tutorial and handy tips and tricks sprinkled in frequently. Granted, it's still not exactly Donkey Kong Jr. Math. You're bound to be dumbfounded at points, with the more complex political and diplomatic strategies still being needlessly complex to pull off, but the fact my little pee brain understood most of it seems to indicate that Paradox has done a bang-up job of opening the gates to a much wider audience. Sure, the UI can be tedious to navigate (and is still hugely overwhelming), understanding who owns what property and how tends to be a nightmare, and transitioning between lieges comes with struggles that it seems almost impossible to prevent, but aside from that, it's hard to slate Crusader Kings 3. There are few strategy games out there that offer such an addictive, refined and well put together package, especially so early into their respective releases. This is without a doubt a candidate for Game of the Year 2020, and if you aren't sure you'll like it, just go on Reddit and look it up. This shit will leave you with some straight up bananas gaming stories that you'll be telling your mates for years (even though they probably won't care).