3/5 ★ – PhatBaby's review of Secret Agent Wizard Boy and the International Crime Syndicate.

A recreation of the specific PC-exclusive versions of the first two Harry Potter games (not to be confused with the completely separate and entirely different PlayStation 1, PlayStation 2 and GBA versions of the same games) blended together with baby's first Hitman? And you can blow everyone up with tactical missiles and squish your character so he looks like a fat little frog? Why did no one tell me people were making games exclusively for me now? What is this? Were you all in on this? Who's out here making games to target my nostalgia? Is this me from another timeline trying to fuck with me? I will get answers. And I won't be satisfied until I talk to an in-game teacher who sends me on a death quest into a chamber of darkness, regret and sin under the guise of a supposed "lesson" to teach me how to use the Spongify spell... which lets me bounce a little bit higher so I can collect more jelly beans... which in turn I can use to buy more Wizard Cards... which ultimately lets me enter the Jelly Bean chamber where I can... well... collect more fucking jelly beans.