3/5 ★ – PhatBaby's review of Stellar Blade.

I find this game hilarious, because people on Twitter are treating it like this next great bastion of quality. I'd never heard of it until about two months ago, when suddenly people were like, THE CLOUDS HAVE PARTED. THE ANGELS HAVE PRODUCED UNTO US A GIFT FROM THE HEAVENS. A DISC-RENDERED SWORD TO SMITE DOWN THE EVILS OF OUR WORLD; TO END HUNGER, CURE CANCER, KILL RACISTS. ITS OUR BIBLE. OUR ARK TO WEATHER ALL STORMS. OUR PROTECTION AGAINST THE WOLVES THAT FEED ON THIS CESS PIT WE CALL SOCIETY! Mixed reviews came out, and they were like, HOW DARE YOU???? OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR STELLAR BLADE IS PERFECTION. A SYMPHONY AKIN TO A SONG SOMEHOW COMPOSED BY BOTH MOZART AND BEETHOVEN IN THEIR PRIME. Then you play it, and it's just ten very popular games mushed into one very okay game. The reason they like it so much is because the main character's hot, and they're all being horny on main. And that isn't the game's fault. It's fun for what it is. The devs have clearly been inspired by an absolute who's who of grade A bangers, and it's all the better for it. Bit of Sekiro here, bit of NieR Automata there, sprinkle of Final Fantasy 7 Remake over the top with a side of Bayonetta, Elden Ring and Uncharted. Pretty good inspirations, I'd say, and the final product is worth the 20 hours or so it takes to beat it. But would I play it over any of the games it's inspired by? No. Is it worth going on the most hilariously un-self-aware Twitter crusade of all time to take down the villainous Sony for adding a bra to a character who's half naked in like every other outfit? Definitely not. And if the latter applies to you, I dunno man, go hang out with your friends or something. Go for a hike. Get some ramen. Ramen's pretty good, right? I think you've had enough video games for a bit...