2.5/5 ★ – Trapazt's review of Assassin's Creed: Valhalla.

While this entry of the franchise in unique in its Viking theme with an England & Norway setting, the beauty of the world and some of the gameplay is about all it has going for itself. A good portion of the characters in this game are poorly written or have angles that have been written terribly (in most cases, both apply) like Dag and Basim. Then, you’ve got others who are just flat out annoying and/or useless like Sigurd Styrbjornsson & Randvi. Not all are horrible as I did enjoy Ivar The Boneless until his last appearance as well as King Alfred up until I saw how his storyline (which was the best story of the game) was handled but most characters that have a chance at being really good end up dying too early for you to care enough about them, will end up betraying you (classic Ubisoft story) which made me expect everyone to betray me at one point which isn’t a sentiment the player should have or they just don’t show up ever again. The issue that is often voiced by most players with this entry of the Assassin’s Creed franchise is that it’s simply too long. This game took me about 75 hours to complete and that’s really just the main story not counting side quests and DLC. While I don’t mind a long storyline, I don’t mind it when it’s nothing other than quality. This game is everything but quality in most of what it has to offer. A lot of these stories feel like the developers just remembered about them as they were developing the game as well as simply being horrendous. For example, you could be doing the territory missions (which are some of the longest and most repetitive parts of the game though occasionally enjoyable) and then the game will put that on hold to have you deal with Sigurd’s fantasies. To make matters worse, Sigurd implicitly tells you that while he’s absent, you’re in charge but then when he returns from an absence in the game, gets angry that you took charge during his absence. Towards the ending, Sigurd starts recalling all the decisions you made and either chooses to stay in England with you or leave and this is the first game I have ever played where the “bad ending” is better than the good ending and I’ll leave it at that. Dag is a boastful, disobedient annoying character who questions your every move and commitment to serving Sigurd. All of that could have made sense if the player wasn’t doing raids in order to improve the settlement or territory pledges and was doing something else. His duel and the subsequent outcome could have been a direct punishment for the player if they never bothered to grow the settlement while playing the mainline story or doing territory pledges. In other words, if they were just exploring or doing other activities that don’t directly benefit the settlement. Instead, even if you do everything to improve the settlement as the game expects of you, Dag will call you selfish and claims you want to take Sigurd’s throne and it all makes him look an idiot in the end. I was very generous with the inclusion of the mythology in Assassin’s Creed lately from Origins all the way to this entry as I saw no issue with it for a while but this entry made a joke of the Norse pantheon especially with their design of Thor. As a DLC, I have no issue with them doing Norse mythology but to have a strange fake boss fight with Odin and go to Valhalla while still being alive and having to redo the same endless battle just for Eivor to see his deceased father and kill him himself because of his anger about the way he left them and to get Sigurd to agree to leave the place. All of that being part of the main story is just ridiculous and the game was drawn out because of it. Had this game just focused on the domination of England, the culling of the Order of Ancients and the death of King Alfred at the hands of Eivor, it would have at least a somewhat decent to good story. Instead, not only is it extremely challenging to tell what the developers are trying to tell you with the story at times like Sigurd’s constant rant about being a god happening randomly but the game throws you multiple stories at the same time instead of sticking with one that could have the player invested + with the way they divided the quest menu removing the main quest and side quest text on the side made it difficult for a new player to understand what is a main quest and what isn’t. Furthermore, King Alfred’s story ends up rotting away because he never succumbs to Eivor’s blade. In true history (which is what we have to assume happened seeing how this story ended), he goes on to live a peaceful life in exile until he eventually takes back England after a week of Viking occupation. All of that after he kills off allies that were friends of Eivor that you had helped during the territory pledging. The closure for Alfred and the Order of Ancients is a nice sunrise chat in a Hamtunscire village in the north with the exiled king where he gives you his Order medallion revealing the very obvious fact that he was the head of that operation the whole time, ruining the only good story this game had going for itself. I won’t speak of the modern stuff because it is hilariously horrible past the fact that Basim’s turn has to do with him being a reincarnation of Loki for a reason I probably missed and it proves my point that Ubisoft should let the god stuff to God of War over at Santa Monica Studios & stick to what they know. Due to this entry’s unbearable length, gameplay gets repetitive after maybe 50 hours. The loot system for weapons and armor was much better in previous titles as in this one, you have to go through puzzles and try to find a way past locked doors because nearly every single door in this game is “barred from the other side”. Something that becomes increasingly frustrating the longer you play. Overall, the setting of Norway and England is nice, the gameplay can be good but that’s all it has to give. The game being the length that it is ruins even the few positives it already has and the cherry on the shit cake was the best story the game has to offer you doesn’t even give you a proper ending. It sucks to say but I think Ubisoft need to go back to the drawing board with this franchise. 2.5/5