4/5 ★ – Zimtiki's review of Super Mario Sunshine.

“It’s-a-me! FUCK-YOU-io!!” That’s what this game says to you because it’s really fucking hard. So, THIS time, Mario is going on vacation after his little scrap in Luigi’s Mansion. He’s heading to a tropical island, home of Delfino Plaza. Shortly after arriving, Mario is arrested, all because a doppelgänger of his is polluting the island with biological living MUCK. The imposter Mario, eventually revealed to be the one and only Bowser Jr. in his first ever appearance, kidnaps Peach and uhh, brings her to his Dad’s hottub. Kind of weird, idk. Mario, with the help of one of Professor E. Gadd’s other invention, a water spraying sentient hose named F.L.U.D.D., must save the Princess and restore light to Delfino! Let’s get it out of the way: this is a Mario game, which of course means it’s an INSTANT success and AUTOMATICALLY good. Nintendo rarely fucks around with this IP since it’s the face of their company, which is why it’s wild that this game TOTALLY FUCKS WITH THE FORMULA. For the oddest reason, this games physics are all over the fuckin place. I swear, you could be flying through the air at 120 MPH, then use your Jetpack, and INSTANTLY stop moving. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s random, and honestly, it’s kind of janky. Sometimes you’ll even regain momentum after turning off the Jetpack! It’s insane, man, and it makes some of the puzzles so so SO hard. Some of the puzzles are damn near impossible because of these wonky physics, like the pachinko level which I’m pretty sure is revered as one of the hardest, most brutal and UNFAIR Mario levels of all time. Also, this game, unlike Mario 64, you HAVE to play the level missions in order, and HAVE to beat levels 1-7 of every level before you can challenge Bowser. This means you’ll have to complete some dumb ass FUCKSTER levels that CANNOT be skipped. Some of these levels made me wish for death, for real, absolute bullshit. But that’s enough negative: this game STILL slaps. It’s smooth, it’s fun, and it’s full of pure Mario magic that makes playing this game feel like cutting through butter, it’s nice nice NICE and I LOVE it despite its issues. It is NOT the best 3D Mario game, but you should give it a try regardless.