1.5/5 ★ – blastr85's review of Conan.

Look, I like Conan. Conan the Barbarian is one of the most influential movies on the video game industry of all-time. It's why we have things like He-Man or God of War, among others. This game feels like it is trying harder to be God of War (pre-Norse reboot) than it is trying to be Conan, even down to the computer-tracked camera and right-stick-to-roll-dodge. The game boasts "over 50 weapons!" which are all variations of a shield, a two-handed-weapon, or a one-handed weapon that pairs with Conan's permanent sword. (which doesn't have the signature hilt or blade length of our hero's ACTUAL sword, as established in other mediums) All weapons then contain one of these three movesets. Even Ron Perlman does nothing to capture the vibe of the titular Barbarian. Casually uttering "one less dog in the streets" after killing a dozen men in the desert does not feel like Conan. It doesn't feel like anything cool or original, either. Some of his insults sound like they're coming from a character in a role of royalty, looking down on the peasants as he slaughters then, rather than a Barbarian who crawled his way out of the fighter pits. I would not be surprised if they only had Ron Perlman innthe recording boothnfor an hour or less and never told him what role he was playing. The combat is where the game really falters. Boss fights feel janky, like they were built quickly, and regular enemies come in waves that get tiresome quickly. Save points feel few and far between, but the game's saving grace is its checkpoint system, which ensured I never had to replay much after suffering an earned death or (more often) a cheap one. A recommendation for this game shoukd be reserved for the uber-fans. The peoppe with copies of Conan The Barbarian comics in plastic and the John Milius-directed 4k bluray behind glass. Everyone else, you have more and better options for gory melee action games almost anywhere else.