0.5/5 ★ – evasglory's review of Car Parking Multiplayer.

Let me begin this review with an important announcement. IF YOU ARE ON THIS SITE OR APP AND YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CAR PARKING MULTIPLAYER HACKS, YOU ARE AT THE WRONG PLACE. Just look up "cpm gg" and you will find what you're looking for. Now, I'd like to give some context for this review. Car Parking Multiplayer has been the bane of my existence for the past like 24 hours, but more importantly it has been such for the gg| app as well as its main developer, sircharleswatson, whom you are most likely followed to. For the past roughly 5 years, he told me, people have been coming on to the site and reviewing it, rating it, adding it to lists, etc. etc. This has continued to such a degree that, as you may have noticed, Car Parking Multiplayer has made it to the top few listings on trending and has remained there for a few months now. The game has become an in-joke in our small, niche community on Discord which I recently became active in wherein we make jokes about it being the best game of all time and make fun of people who join the server asking about the hacked game. Curious as I am, I dug deep into why the app was being targeted by fans of this game and why it was getting spammed with positive reviews and such. What I found is that these people seem to be coming from guides on how to download an APK file of a hacked version of the game that allowed them to unlock every car in the game for free, have unlimited money, or whatever else. The guides tell them to go to a website called Game Guardian, often abbreviated as GG, especially in other languages. What I imagine these people do is see that they need to go to "GG" and look that up on Google, leading them here. Anyways, in my investigation I decided to download the game and try it out for myself. I shared some videos in the discord server of myself playing it and purposely failing really badly because it was really funny. That was when they challenged me with beating the game and writing a review for it. So, here we are. I've beaten it and I can confidently say that this fucking sucks more than anything. I hate this game so much and I can't really believe I actually beat it without tearing my own fucking head off. I simply cannot fathom how this game got so popular even if I do know the answer. Car Parking Multiplayer has 82 levels, half of which have nothing to do with cars or parking and sure as hell none of them are multiplayer. The levels have no consistent curve in difficulty and it is awful. Some levels are insanely difficult and I might spend an hour on them, meanwhile the following levels can just be drive forward for a little bit. The difficulty is in no way helped by the treacherous controls. It seems like they tried to make driving feel realistic but they failed miserably. They are way too finnicky and make it so that the slightest move can throw your entire driving or parking job off. They also add a bunch of useless features such as hazard lights, blinkers, and headlights (every level takes place during the day). Even if I wanted to use them, I would have to take my finger away from the wheel control and try to select the thing that I want, which is a luck of the draw at least. Don't even get me started on the controls for when you're outside of the car. I literally had no idea what was going on and I was extremely lucky that the actual driving of this particular level was the easiest thing in the world and that this was the only level where this was required. The levels themselves, to no one at all's surprise, are designed very poorly as well and made me regret everything that I've ever done that had led me to playing this game. From the first level, you are given a treat as you don't even need to stop at the place where you're supposed to park at. You can speed directly towards it and finish the level in less than 5 seconds. This is extremely inconsistent, as in some levels you do need to come to a complete stop where you are supposed to, others you might just need to slow down, and in some you just have to reach a cylinder as the goal. The game is plagued with many glitches as well. The biggest one is that the level doesn't reset after you fail or even after you restart. I'm under the assumption that this is a glitch based on the fact that it can make some levels impossible to finish unless you go back to the menu and select it again as well as it can make some levels extremely fucking easy since you can crash into movable objects to get them out of the way so you have a straight shot to the finish line. Speaking of glitches, sometimes your car will be automatically turning at the start of the level after you fail. On top of that, your car will occasionally start a level at a high speed you were at in the previous run causing your car to burn out and bounce around like a stupid fucking jumping bean. How this game is so popular and has such a large community is a puzzle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma to me because of how fucking dreadful it is to play, even in the titular multiplayer mode. I joined the Car Parking Multiplayer Discord server to see if I could find answers to this anomaly, and I was floored by just how many people played this game. Hundreds of thousands of people are in this server, meanwhile the buy-sell-trade channel is getting flooded with offers and scams I didn't bother to more than glance at. I decided to ask the English-speaking car parkers in the server what the appeal of the game was, and the only answer I got was the cars before I left out of overstimulation from the ungodly amount of people advertising in the server. So, what I've gathered is that people like to collect cars in this game and drive around showing them off, suping them up, customizing them, and what have you. While fair enough in its own right, it doesn't change the fact that there are better options with much better controls, much better looking cars, and they don't have shitty fucking levels that rarely have anything to do with the title. I fucking hate this game and I fucking hate everything it fucking stands for. I hate the awful, clearly 99% asset flipped graphics. I hate how people are so desperate to get the cars they invade this website. I hate the terrible sound effects that make me think my car is going to fucking explode. I hate how this game makes so much money they don't need to put any ads in it. I hate how the AI fucking sucks in the one level it was necessary. I hate how in the racing levels all you do is buy a better engine and hold the gas pedal and the game turns the car for you. I hate cars, I hate parking, and hell I might even hate multiplayer after this disgusting mess. Fuck. This. Game.