1.5/5 ★ – jaynesgotagun's review of Mafia II: Definitive Edition.

Very few positive things to say about this game or this supposed "remaster." What I liked: The driving felt good, most of the time. And the two main characters -- though they start as and remain total pieces of shit throughout -- really grew on me. Everything else was so fucking frustrating. Y'know that thing games do where once you've started to get your sea legs and build power, they have a section where they take all your gear and stats away and make you grind back for it? This game does that EVERY OTHER LEVEL. To the point where it's not even worth spending money because you're just gonna lose all the ammo and guns you bought the level before. The save points are dog shit and the enemies can shoot lazer beams and will regularly outflank you 2 seconds into a gunfight. So that means dying and losing progress. Same thing with cops: they spawn every 6 seconds so if you ever manage to jack a car without getting caught or reach speeds above 40mph for more than 5 seconds, it feels like a miracle. And finally, the story. This game blazes through every Mafia trope youve ever seen. Dumps names on you and then you don't see those guys again until 5 levels from now when you're expected to remember who they are and how they connect to you. And the ending, right when I thought it had something going for it, like it was gonna say something some Mafia game or show had never done before--it just ends. This is clearly a rushed product but Ho. Ly. Shit. I have never played a game with more pointless action or predictable plots. Clearly someone wanted to make this a movie but they had to force video game parts in when they realized this had to be enjoyable for people. Also: this was one of the biggest games I've ever played. Very rare that I played more than 5 minutes without experiencing an audio or visual glitch. If I had ever encountered anything game breaking I would've just watched the rest of the levels in a gameplay video on YouTube and honestly? That would have been more fun.