2/5 ★ – jdraco's review of Sly Spy: Secret Agent.

This game is absolute dogshit But it’s the best kind of dogshit Because when this games flaws all harmonize together they create an experience that is absolutely hysterical And the main flaw of this game is very simple And it’s that there are way too many enemies on screen at once So this game is a pretty standard side-scrolling run & gun game where you play as a secret agent trying to take down a terrorist group called CWD Now I’m not sure how many members usually make up a terrorist group, but in the case of the CWD there’s got to be about 1,000,000 members Because you deal with about 100,000 of them every level There is just an absurd amount of enemies per level and the worst part about this all is that they move so fucking fast and some of them can just spawn in behind you too Which is an absolute death sentence because the character that you play as is stiffer than morning wood and sucks to control All this motherfucker does is briskly walk through every level, he has to stop when he fires his gun, and he can’t aim the gun up Which I just wanna say that not being able to aim the gun up is the dumbest thing in any run & gun game and it always makes the game 10 times worse If you’re making a fucking run & gun game, then being able to aim up should be a necessity But anyways, the character that you play as is overall pretty shitty to control He also might be the most fragile person in the known universe, because you can’t even touch an enemy in this game without taking damage I seriously don’t know why that is though, like I don’t know if all the enemies are just wearing suits made of cactuses, but either way it’s fucking stupid I will say though that the character you play as is an absolute expert in hand to hand combat, and it’s actually kind of fun when you run out of ammo and you’re forced to fight things directly And sometimes it’s actually more effective then using his shitty pistol, especially for boss fights I will say though, that speaking of his shitty pistol, it’s very funny to me how in every level, the character that you play as has to take on hundreds of these armed terrorists with just this little pistol It’s very funny But I will also say, that if you decide to play this game for some reason after reading this review, then just don’t even bother to try and attack the enemies it’s not worth it You could try and play every level as carefully as possible, but something is always gonna hit you, or an enemy is always gonna sneak up behind you and fuck you up I wish I realized this sooner too, because halfway through the game I just started walking through each level just taking all the hits and it worked surprisingly well Because one thing that I actually like about this game is that the health bar is pretty generous, which can come in handy especially if you play the game using my methods So yeah, again, this game is pretty dogshit, but I’m giving it 2 stars for one simple reason And that’s because the funniest single screen that I’ve ever seen in any video game was displayed to me in this game Because in using my method of not hitting any enemies and just walking through each level and just taking the damage I happened upon a screen that had, I kid you not, probably 50 enemies, 3 attack dogs, and A FUCKING TIGER. That’s how fucking ridiculous this game gets with spamming enemies at you It’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t funny as hell But yeah, the game is still shit But at least it’s funny So, 2/5