2/5 ★ – jdraco's review of Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo.

Yeah, this shit sucks And it’s sad because I really wanted to like this game, and in general I want to like more puzzle games But with this game specifically, I just can’t because of one particular problem… The game is fucking impossible. I’m dead serious; the AI in this game is the most incomprehensible, most insane, most godlike AI that I’ve ever seen in a video game Your opponent is the smartest, most omnipotent being in the fucking universe, who moves 6 million times faster than you and who always thinks 9 billion steps ahead of you in any given situation Seriously, I dare you to play this game on just normal mode even, and you will see exactly what I’m talking about They always just stack up these huge combos on you over and over again, and then within one second, you’ve lost and have no idea how the fuck it happened Now in the actual Street Fighter games, you have a block move that you can use to protect yourself from attacks But in this game, fuck that, there’s absolutely no defense at all; if you're getting just completely blasted by your opponent, then there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it Blocks will continue to just fill up your side of the screen, and then that’s it, again, all within like one second; that’s how fast this shit goes And that’s what makes me hate this game It demands perfection from you, but no human being can be as perfect as the game wants them to be… No one. I mean, actually, maybe that’s not true, and I’m genuinely just complete ass at the game, and in actuality it’s an easy game But fuck that, there’s no way that’s the timeline that I’m living in This game is just simply hard It’s harder than hard It’s harder than the everyday struggle of trying to make a decent wage in a ruthless economy that’s constantly trying to fuck me over with taxes and expenses while I continually have to try and support my nagging wife and 3 ungrateful, bastard children That’s how hard this game is And because of that, it’s just not enjoyable at all But I actually do like some elements of it, though Like the sprites and character designs are pretty good, for example, except for Felicia She’s this weird cat-human character that has, like, 4 breasts, and it’s just nasty as hell to look at Anyway, though, the music is very good And then also, despite the game being harder than me trying to park a Dodge when I'm drunk as fuck right next to a humongous truck in a two-car garage, the gameplay at its core is still good I mean, it’s basically just that standard Puyo Puyo-type gameplay, but it works and it’s fun to play When I’m not getting demolished by the CPU, of course, which is almost never So yeah, I don’t like this game too much And I mean, it’s not the most worthless game of all time But it’s a game that I can never see myself going back to, and a game that I wouldn’t recommend playing at all Just play Tetris or something else, please, something good at least Regardless, though, I’m giving this game a 2/5