4/5 ★ – ppom's review of HuniePop.

Okay. Listen to me, please. I know what you're thinking. "Why are you openly admitting to playing and reviewing a porn game? Did you seriously spend money on this?" No, no I did not. I only got it because it was free. I like having a nice, robust Steam library for when I'm bored. I probably wasn't ever going to play this game, but I heard from some people online that it was legitimately a really good match-three game. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker for a good match-three game. A few years back I was grinding out Bejeweled 3 when I wanted to cool down from playing Dead by Daylight. I have about 10 hours in it. So I decided I'd give HuniePop a chance, even though I knew what it really was. God dammit this is the BEST match-three game of all time, quite possibly. Let's get this part out of the way: The game gets a 4/5 because the writing is god awful. This shouldn't come as a surprise, since it's a porn game, but the writing? Abysmal. There's no real plot, and my god are some of the characters either boring or stereotypes. But sometimes, this works in the game's favor. The whole point is that you're disgusting. You're trying to sleep with as many women as you can. This leads to undeniably hilarious interactions. Some of the girls' dialogue is also incredibly funny, be it intentional or not. It's like taking Audrey (my favorite character) to the Scenic Overlook, at which point she says "Ughh... gaaaay!" You have the option to play the game as a girl, and if so, she says the exact same thing. In terms of characters, there are three in particular that I have problems with. One is Venus, who I find to be too boring for a "final boss", and Kyu, who says the most horrible things. But the main character I dislike? Momo. Jesus Christ, she's unbearable. She's like Raku-chan from Nyan Neko Sugar Girls but without the charm that comes with it. This comes off as a legitimate attempt to make a "kawaii catgirl" and I tried to avoid her as much as I could. Also, she's a child. The game encourages you to have sex with a child. I won't say more about her, because even thinking about this character makes me mad. Yet, I can't help but be fascinated with some of these characters. The game introduces them and hints at their relationships, but never delivers. I need to know more about the Mayes. Clearly, Jessie loves her daughter, Tiffany, but Tiffany tries her best to avoid her mother. Is Jessie actually a bad mom? Is she trying her best, but Tiffany is ashamed of her? I need to know! Also, Tiffany, Nikki, and Audrey are all friends, but only Audrey and Nikki are ever shown together. It's cool that these characters are explored more in your interactions with them, and that the relationships are referenced, but it never goes anywhere. It just leaves me wanting more and more. The match-three game almost makes up for every single one of the game's flaws. It is the single most engaging and rewarding match-three formula I've ever seen. All of the different mechanics, tricks, and builds you can use to succeed on dates is amazing. The game doesn't make it easy to get a good build, but if you're lucky and spend your money wisely, you can get a really solid build by Day 4. I love that the different characters have different preferences that affect point gain. Plus, the fact that the food and drinks you give them affects the date as well? I feel like I learned that way too late. Finding my groove with the date gifts was such a great feeling. Learning that one build would give me almost guaranteed success so long as I made smart moves has brought me satisfaction like few other games could. Soundtrack is pretty damn good too. Not much to say there. Overall, 4/5, amazing match-three game dragged down by how much shame I feel for enjoying it, and for the existence of Momo. Top 5 worst character in anything ever probably. On 3/24/2025 I finally 100%'d this game. Final playtime was 57.6 hours. Time to move on to the sequel.