3.5/5 ★ – stephenhill777's review of PLAYERUNKNOWN'S BATTLEGROUNDS.

A little tip for those pursuing that First Kill achievement in PUBG: they don’t specify who the first kill has to be, and there are trackers on your teammates if you’re playing in a squad. That little nugget of realization, coupled with the frantic confusion that followed, is a fairly concise explanation of the general vibe PUBG is going for. This is an experience that encourages creative tactics at first, but it ultimately boils down to a quick scramble to fill the other players with more holes than an overpriced cheese. This is the ball pit at an indoor recreation centre, a well-stocked salad bar at a restaurant, incognito mode on your web browser. All provide a huge variety of ways to enjoy your time, but it’s up to you how you’ll use the tools given to you. Despite the glut of menus that are very easy to get lost in, PUBG has no progression system that is worth mentioning. Your 100+ hours of playtime might amount to a gorilla in pink bikini outfit, but nothing you unlock drastically affects gameplay. That might not be the mindset the developers are hoping players will adopt, but it’s the best to way to enjoy the game as a whole. It’s an experience that’s fun to dip into once or twice every few months, and that’s all it needs to be. When it’s good, it’s great. That guy whose face you ran over with a roadster is just a surrogate for the asshole who sniped you from the water tower in the previous match. The sheer size of the maps make it so that almost everyone has a fair chance at winning, provided they get their hands on some good gear at first. Despite having zero experience in this genre, I found it pretty easy to get used to the gameplay after 2 or 3 matches, and even managed to win a few. …that said, it was pretty embarrassing how many times my life was snuffed out by gravity alone… Working in squads is more fun than expected, although personally, I took the Journey approach: muting all mics so I wouldn’t have to speak to anyone, and gauging what to do based on in-game behavior. It’s a genuinely heart-warming feeling when you hear a jeep’s horn honking, waiting for you to get in so you can go a-murdering together in the countryside. Pointing out players in the distance, and sharing loot…it’s wholesome stuff, akin to sharing a vanilla milkshake with your sweetheart on a spring afternoon. Having said that, it does lose half a star for the menus alone. I couldn’t tell you what the difference between the workshop, pass and hideout tabs were, but they do share one commonality; they’re all time-wasters. And so much of these menus ARE a waste of time, money and effort. It really should be one tab to start the game, and MAYBE one more to equip your stiletto heels. The other star it loses is for that one cheap shot that asshole from the water tower hit me with. I’m a petty, petty man, and this is the one way I can exercise power. Screw you water tower guy. May your digital carcass rot in the menus for all eternity.